did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize