But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
