I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
