Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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