so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
