dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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