ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
