i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
