I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
organizing the empties. That sober.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
