What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
