fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
