I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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