If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
