thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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