new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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