I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He keeps bees of course he's weird
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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