he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
