My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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