She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
