Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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