is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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