i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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