After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
