you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
