So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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