I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
