We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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