woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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