Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
