dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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