haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
