Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
