Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
