where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
