Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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