its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
