so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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