dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I forget how to act sober
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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