What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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