I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
