ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
