I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
