so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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