I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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