oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
