I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I forgot how hot balto sounded
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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