alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
