ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
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i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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