Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
handjob tips. give me some.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
