He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
