i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
