You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
