There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
