did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
