I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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