i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
