K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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