the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and she was petting her beer can
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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