i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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