Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
