Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
