Tell her she can't have a vagina
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
