Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
