I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
