Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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