We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
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I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
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As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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