I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
