a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
